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a memoir of a butterfly.her memory is like a dead mockingbird.
something so beautiful, but remnants
scatter in the wind, unable to
comprehend whether it was deserved
perishing or a mistake.
will you remember in twenty
years, or twenty months, twenty
goddamn seconds, or will she
fade like the fluttering feathers
of the bird shot down in anguish?
can you kiss yourself goodnight
because her butterflies will never
again land on your fleshy lips?
laugh to keep from crying, cry
to keep for being numb,
pretending her presence was
that of a ghost inside a dream.
cover your wrists in gauze and
guilt to prevent moral infection,
feign disinterest when she bites
her lips, don't crave to be the
one biting back, because you'll
only be chewing yourself out.
don't look directly at her, she
is a sapphic eclipse, tease
me with your sloping neck,
tease me with your impeccable
jawline, hazel eyes and
crooked nose, a sweet breathiness
achieved by her trembling,
raspy alto, how i want to
press my mouth to hers and utter
the cure for romantic epilepsy is you.lighthearted heartthrobs
leave me tenderhearted for
the moment, callously discarded
when the brokenhearted relapses
occur and my heartache is just
a simple subtraction amongst
the breakage and blood pumping.
can you heal me? can you heal you?
do you know how to divide me
into the good, the bad, and the
parts that get too clingy?
can you tell me what it is
that keeps you clinging?
your body is like a metronome,
and i just want to move
to your tempo, you envelope
me with your beautiful
lyricism and lips like a rose.
hands hold like roping soliloquies
of the what-ifs and what-nows,
they're clenching like we're
on a roller coaster and i just
want to hold on to you, if
i could kiss you would i be
considered lucky or a casualty?
i want to peruse the inky pages
of your loitered soul, picking
up the pieces because something
as beautiful as you doesn't
deserve to be littered.
all i want you to do is stand
near me, not even next to me,
because the glow of your glower
is gorgeous even in your mos
drowned.this ice is getting thinner
and i keep feeling like i'm
about to fall through. i just
wanted you to envelope me in
your harmony, sweet kisses
making the syncopation
between broken glass and
heart pieces, shattered
with lips uttering breathlessly.
i wanted to be warmed by
the sound of your melodies,
you told me of my beauties
and i believed you, remember
that my soul is fragile and
that suicide and silence
start and end the same way.
keep in mind when you told
me how much you cared and
how much i hope you realized
at this point the water is
freezing and i can't swim.
love like remission.everybody says that
i'm a specific type. i
think that's just an
excuse to say there's
really no chance i can
ever be loved. keep saying
that i'm beautiful, keep
saying that i'm good.
do you really think i
believe any of that? i'm
trying to turn a new
page, cleanse the wounds
she caused me, and now
i don't know which way
to turn because neither
path is paved for me and
neither door is open. i
wish i could say it was
easy but i can feel it
coming back, steadily like
a creeping animal ready
to pounce on my freshly-
healed heart and soul.
everyone says i have a type.
i believe that in a
heartbeat because each
heart that beats next to
mine is sweet in the melody.
i don't have my choice of
the picking but i can
pretend to be free of this
illness, relapsing on
romanticism and using stoicism
as a crutch, this wall i
put up can be broken down
by whoever's love is strong
enough. someone, take my hand
and lead me through the disease.
A Little Bit Like Crazy: Chapter 2.1A Little Bit Like Crazy
my mother always said god worked in mysterious ways, that i was special and that someday i’d find someone who appreciated my crazy.
she died three years ago. i never did find out if that was something sarcastic that she said so i’d laugh during one of my fits or if she genuinely thought i was crazy. astrid never thought that i was crazy. she thinks i’m beautiful. she thinks i’m smart. she doesn’t think that i’m crazy.
i didn’t know that i had something wrong with me until i started to believe it. all of these voices? i can hear exactly what they’re saying about me. and it makes astrid sad to see me sad.
but astrid is not here anymore. i didn’t want her to get too attached to me.
or maybe it was my crazy i didn’t want her to become attached to.
either way, i don’t think that she’ll be back any time soon.
A Little Bit Like Crazy: Chapter 1.1A Little Bit Like Crazy
The cool autumn air lingered slowly through the window crack, and the smell of cannabis still lingered on my shirt. Quin had his arms draped around me, this dumb look on his face as he sighed delicately in his sleep. As he pulled me tighter, all I could think about was the mistake that I had made the night prior. One single lapse in judgment had ruined one of the most beautiful relationships I had ever established, and now I was without Saoirse, the one thing that kept me alive in this world.
The whole prior night was a blur to me. I remembered showing up but never leaving, which I must have done since I was not at my house—I was at Quin’s house. His parents were not home, hence the party, and I woke to the sound of his sister Chantal humming some bland Top 40 song while making breakfast, a pleasant albeit off-key alert.
I tossed Quin’s spindly arms off of me and trudged out of his room, making m
there is no potion to reverse a broken heart.i don't know how to
suffuse this sorcery, but
no matter how hard i try,
i'll still be without a spell.
try to use episkey, my heart
will still be shattered
and any reducio can't shrink
my feelings for you.
reparo, ferula, nothing
can heal me at this point.
it's like you cast expulso
on my chest because soul
has disintegrated in front
of my eyes, if only i could
it's like your love was
immersed in cave inimicum,
at this point i feel you
wish me crucio, why do
you inflict these deadly
curses upon someone who
just wants to see your patronus.
you have manipulated duro,
you're so cold, manage diffindo
to abolish my letters of
love to you, exerting descendo
to stoop to your level, when
i just want confundo so
i don't remember that i want you.
even if someone bestowed on
you furnunculus, i'd still
think you were beautiful, if
they gave you levicorpus
i would repel with liberacorpus,
i will do what it takes to save you
from these dementors, muffliato
so they can't hear my e
the proper way to ride a carousel.illuminate me, cast your
colors of iridescence,
incandescent as my sunset
and phosphorescent as the
radiation pain from my
chest, lights blare and
will not stop shimmering.
is it motion sickness or
exasperation that shakes
you to your core, just keep
pawing at it and you will
not fall down as far as
you think you will. close
your eyes, ocular impairment
can help dull the experience,
don't be frightened by
the ubiquitous lights, hold
on tighter, she'll hold your
hand closely to her chest,
murmur a few breaths as you
palpate on this journey that
will ultimately get you
nowhere. no matter how dark
it gets, this empyrean is
still your boundary and this
bar is your only lifeline, so
pretend she was never there
and let it take you anywhere
that you don't want to go.
crimson hues of only equine
friends at this point, you
can't take a bench when you're
alone in this world of the
oblique nightmare, pretend
that the music is deafeningly
silent and that her voice is
the only thing you'll hear.
if she were ataraxia.if i knew exactly how to
heal my personal pockmarks
i wouldn't call them scars,
i'd call them ornamental
marring. this is my nocturne,
my harmonious calling, a
deflection of defection
where a serenade just isn't
enough to wipe away all the
pretension. they call it
grace and glamour, but your
pulchritude is appalling, put
your airs on chilly and slip
me a sweet trifle of your
personal piquancy. i bruise
more easily than those who
treat me delicately, kisses
like divulgences, the flesh
beside my ear is bitten by
your nipping conscience.
keep speaking in your subtle
sussarations, i'm keen on
deciphering what it is
that you are trying to say
to anyone but me, is your
disquietude a symptom of
your abhorrence to my
presence? is your malignance
just a way for you to malinger,
claim malignancy to be within me?
i'm not too fond of vengeance
but i've got a taste for
vexation when you've got it
coming to you. you once
caressed my cuts, exhausting
sadness with your sweet
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Two Years LaterShe asked him gently, “Do you love me?”
In his long silence, she found closure,
And left her love under a willow tree.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
I give upSometimes
I try so hard to change for people
Do what they want,
Listen to their critiques,
Try to be a good friend..
But you know?
Everyone makes mistakes,
is not perfect,
is tired and stressed and slips,
It is never good enough,
no matter what I do,
nobody ever sees what I changed,
everybody always only sees my faults.
I get criticised for what I did wrong,
but never acknowledged for what I changed,
I give up.
I don't have the energy anymore,
to always justify myself,
to always go up and be the one,
that is bad,
to always be the one,
Sometimes I think I'm better off without anyone...
Eye of the StormI believed I could make the wind blow,
and force the moon to shine at night,
create rainbows just by thinking,
and hold tea parties for fairies in July,
I was the queen of my own graceful lands.
Yet, I grew old and realized,
I am the kind of girl who'd trip and fall,
often for stepping on her own feet.
My crown of diamond and gold
now a rusted piece of bronze,
I lost my throne to treason, my kingdom to hate,
I became the eye of a hurricane,
loaded with mishaps I need to atone.
I felt the soft touches of angels,
and lost my own wings to demons who could crush stone.
Felt the scorching tears run so often,
I knew I must have hit bottom low.
I had nothing holy, no one to call dear,
but here I am, the starting point of my own storm.
I felt fear, clung to shadows,
encased my heart within marble walls,
and threw the keys that can unlock my soul.
So many chances I've lost with no love to seek,
and so many people I turned my back to.
I let the darkness gnaw through my bones.
A stranger walked up to me today...A man walked up to me and asked me for a cigarette… I told him I didn't smoke anymore, and he asked me why? ––I answered "because the person I used to smoke with, isn't around anymore", and he replied…"that's why I smoke."
A woman walked up to me and asked me for drugs, I replied "I have several in store…his eyes, his smile, his hands"…she whispered, "that's not a drug"…and I laughed as I said.. "if only you knew."
A child walked up to me today and asked me to play a game, I told them I was too tired to play games, i'd been playing for years, they replied…"then you must be a pro!", to which I said "yes…a pro at losing."
An old woman stared at me today, and I asked her…"is something wrong?" she answered "I was about to ask you the same question."
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
Blowing a featherThe way she blows this feather
All of them screw their knees,
Falling for her.
Blessed by a blue-eyed breeze
All of them crave an eternal embrace.
Gardens of golden flowers
Reflected stars on the water's surface
So many gifts she justly deserves
The rose-coloured feather,
Gift from heavens,
Brings daylight to a sinner
She's an angel without wings
your eyes shouldn't make me choke on my heart.i never really liked
making eye contact.
i was never fond of having
my soul bore into by
twenty-something pairs of orbs
in the audience.
but it's a lot different
when it's only one person.
i was always shy.
you even told me i was
timid, that i appeared
too quiet, i should be
more social, you said.
your eyes are so breathtaking.
they're nothing special,
just normal hazel eyes,
they're just expressive.
your eyes have so much emotion,
potential brewing inside, tears
never seem to be released
because your eyes are always
glassy and gleeful, i'm glad
that you're happy.
i used to light up
every time i locked glances
with those eyes, my heart
would nearly skip a beat
in excitement, but now?
now, every time i lock glances
with you, you look for all of
three seconds, then turn away
like i'm just that ugly,
do i look diseased to you?
am i that unimportant that you
feel like you have the
audacity to not even grant me
the common courtesy to smile
when i see you staring?
i know you
Dreams of realityA pair of eyes;
Open and stare through the lights,
Into the darkness of doom.
And yet they smile,
Yet they smile.
A drop of tear;
Seeps through the garden of death;
Falls to the mortal soil.
Dreams and desires will blend again,
To render the roses alive.
I am floating through a vision.
Like ripples, floating through the pond of life.
Can reality be so real?
Let me drown again,
Into the silence of familiar noise.
As I wander through the lanes of reason and passion.
The flame of hope burns bright,
Drenched in the colors of freedom.
So let my dreams unravel my soul,
As darkness fades away;
And let mortality draw me closer to destiny.
As these pair of eyes,
Open to stare through the lights again.
Is this reality?
Can reality be so real?
Time passes by, as the eyes keep staring;
Staring at the distant lights;
Staring beyond the distant skies.
What do they see?
What do they long?
What do they desire?
Then the skies will break down;
White lightning striking the dreamy clouds.
Moments will tur
PetalsThe grass tickled between her toes as her father toiled away with the roses by the letterbox. She watched his fingers weave between the thorns to pat the soil around each bush, humming to some John Lennon song she couldn't put a name to. Despite the sun just tipping the horizon, she saw sweat prickling his brow and his eyes squinting against the light. The fine lines on his face were suddenly accentuated by shadow, and for a moment, she swelled with wonder.
'Maria, come here,' he said, waving her over. 'You're not going to learn anything sitting all the way over there.'
Excitement sparked her limbs into motion, and she crawled over to sit next to him, careful to tuck her skirt beneath her thighs to avoid the dirt.
He picked up a pair of clippers from beside him. 'Now, you need to snipe back these diseased parts here and there from the base of the plant. It helps it grow better.'
Snipping off two pieces of wood with ease, he deposited them in Maria's outstretched hand. Their rough textu
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More