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jugendliche.i.) die Bekennende
Du bist meine Liebe, meine Engel in der Nacht.
Die Sonne scheint so hell fuer uns, du kuesst mich und sagt,
"Kannst du bitte halt mein Hand?"
Ich kuesse dich, weil ich weiss ich kann.
Ich hoffe, du weisst, du bist wirklich schoen.
Alles, ich kann sagen ist "ich brauche dich so gern."
Meine Liebe fuer dich ist sehr gross, ich bitte zu sein.
Immer Ihren Liebling, damit du mein sein.
ii.) die Sehnsucht
Sie ist so viel staerker als ich.
Sie leuchtet den Raum und ich fuehle mich
Als wuerde ich tiefer fallen in der Liebe.
Ich denke, das sind Liebhaber oder Taschendiebe?
Aber sie ist so anders, so perfekt und Art ist.
Es scheint, sie fühlt sich nicht Zwist.
Ich will nur ihre Hand zu Halten,
Aber das ist nicht etwas, was ich ganz einfach verwalten.
Sie hat eine andere, obwohl sie liebt mich mehr
Und ich weiss, ich liebe sie ebensosehr.
A Little Bit Like Crazy: Chapter 4.1chapter four
“is astrid your girlfriend?” keillan asked me unexpectedly at our breakfast. i nearly choked on my chocolate milk.
“what the heck, kiddo?” i tried to laugh but it just came out really uncomfortable sounding. “of course she isn’t.”
“well, was she?” his insight never ceased to amaze me. his eyes were large and intent, as if he’d thought about this for a long time.
“what even would make you think that, keillan?” i appeared composed. it was still way too soon for me to answer questions about astrid. “you’ve known me your whole life. that’s the most peculiar thing to ever come out of your mouth.” i was avoiding eye contact. keillan’s got this way of making you feel totally at ease with even the most uncomfortable of topics. i guess it’s a good trait to have.
“okay, you guys are always talking about
A Little Bit Like Crazy: Chapter 3.1Chapter Three
The only person that was at home when I arrived back was my sister Brinley, a spoiled fifteen-year-old with a penchant for making my life miserable. She was lying on the sofa Daisy Buchanan-style, sprawled lazily reading a fashion magazine.
“You’re home late,” she grumbled, not even having the decency to lift her eyes from the gossip column. “How was your drunken rave last night?” Her words were dripping with sarcasm, a smirk on her lips. She genuinely repulsed me.
“You didn’t,” I spat gruffly in her direction, wide-eyes full of anger. “You did not see anything.” I was terrified, not that she had seen, but that she had shown our parents.
“Au contraire, my dear sister,” she chuckled nonchalantly. “I especially liked the one of you smashing a beer bottle into Mrs. McCartney’s heirloom china vase.”
“Brin, you wouldn’t dare,
fresh.don't look at me.
every time you do i see her.
you look just like her, but
shorter thinner sweeter
younger. you are so much younger.
you're nowhere near as naive.
innocent is not in your expansive
vocabulary. your voice is both
agonizing and intoxicating.
we used to lie next to each
other, hold hands and harmonize.
you held me when i cried
and laughed at my cheesy jokes.
now you have gone. you don't
even speak to me, no choral context.
but you look at me. and you smile.
and you make me feel so fresh,
don't ever leave my side.
a memoir of a butterfly.her memory is like a dead mockingbird.
something so beautiful, but remnants
scatter in the wind, unable to
comprehend whether it was deserved
perishing or a mistake.
will you remember in twenty
years, or twenty months, twenty
goddamn seconds, or will she
fade like the fluttering feathers
of the bird shot down in anguish?
can you kiss yourself goodnight
because her butterflies will never
again land on your fleshy lips?
laugh to keep from crying, cry
to keep for being numb,
pretending her presence was
that of a ghost inside a dream.
cover your wrists in gauze and
guilt to prevent moral infection,
feign disinterest when she bites
her lips, don't crave to be the
one biting back, because you'll
only be chewing yourself out.
don't look directly at her, she
is a sapphic eclipse, tease
me with your sloping neck,
tease me with your impeccable
jawline, hazel eyes and
crooked nose, a sweet breathiness
achieved by her trembling,
raspy alto, how i want to
press my mouth to hers and utter
the cure for romantic epilepsy is you.lighthearted heartthrobs
leave me tenderhearted for
the moment, callously discarded
when the brokenhearted relapses
occur and my heartache is just
a simple subtraction amongst
the breakage and blood pumping.
can you heal me? can you heal you?
do you know how to divide me
into the good, the bad, and the
parts that get too clingy?
can you tell me what it is
that keeps you clinging?
your body is like a metronome,
and i just want to move
to your tempo, you envelope
me with your beautiful
lyricism and lips like a rose.
hands hold like roping soliloquies
of the what-ifs and what-nows,
they're clenching like we're
on a roller coaster and i just
want to hold on to you, if
i could kiss you would i be
considered lucky or a casualty?
i want to peruse the inky pages
of your loitered soul, picking
up the pieces because something
as beautiful as you doesn't
deserve to be littered.
all i want you to do is stand
near me, not even next to me,
because the glow of your glower
is gorgeous even in your mos
drowned.this ice is getting thinner
and i keep feeling like i'm
about to fall through. i just
wanted you to envelope me in
your harmony, sweet kisses
making the syncopation
between broken glass and
heart pieces, shattered
with lips uttering breathlessly.
i wanted to be warmed by
the sound of your melodies,
you told me of my beauties
and i believed you, remember
that my soul is fragile and
that suicide and silence
start and end the same way.
keep in mind when you told
me how much you cared and
how much i hope you realized
at this point the water is
freezing and i can't swim.
love like remission.everybody says that
i'm a specific type. i
think that's just an
excuse to say there's
really no chance i can
ever be loved. keep saying
that i'm beautiful, keep
saying that i'm good.
do you really think i
believe any of that? i'm
trying to turn a new
page, cleanse the wounds
she caused me, and now
i don't know which way
to turn because neither
path is paved for me and
neither door is open. i
wish i could say it was
easy but i can feel it
coming back, steadily like
a creeping animal ready
to pounce on my freshly-
healed heart and soul.
everyone says i have a type.
i believe that in a
heartbeat because each
heart that beats next to
mine is sweet in the melody.
i don't have my choice of
the picking but i can
pretend to be free of this
illness, relapsing on
romanticism and using stoicism
as a crutch, this wall i
put up can be broken down
by whoever's love is strong
enough. someone, take my hand
and lead me through the disease.
PetalsI pull off a petal
"He loves me."
His smile is the galaxy I live and breathe in.
I pull off a petal.
And when he can't make time for me, that's okay.
He makes up for it in his kisses.
I pull off a petal.
The other girls don't matter
Because he comes home to me.
It hurts a little but I deal with it
Because he is the sun and the stars.
I pull off a petal.
He may ignore me sometimes
But deep down I know he cares.
I pull off a petal.
I'm hurting, but I need him.
He's the only one in my head.
He's the air in my lungs.
I pull off a petal.
"He loves me not."
speechlessI swear, I don't think I've ever
met a person quite like you before.
You stir up an inconceivable amount of feelings
inside of me, and it seems that I can never
find the right words to say whenever I'm around you.
historically inaccurate documents-i-
you were perfect.
i could not look directly
at your flare, your lace,
i learned to love and blush
in that moment.
there are eight planets
and each one orbits
i am the first person to name
this cluster of stars
for the handful of freckles
on your arm
that it mirrors.
and i am also
you are the gleaming envy
of every viewer. you stand
bathed in worship-worthy
nervous ticks that only i
not a single other being
in our plane
is made of matter.
you alone are real
and we are the shatters
of the echoes
your breathing makes.
cusped quasars sync
portals swarming out of
sinusoidal orders. ornate
soils storing digitized loyalties
of lovers purring potently.
potential switched kinetic
all times are ours
and all dimensions follow
all rhymes involve
and all tensions swallow
we're all right
in all beds
with all words
like the length
of our lives,
we are withou
highschool heartsnew faces, old faces
faces we think we see
faces we wish we would never see again
laughs out loud
proclamation of feelings
sitting at the red table
coffee in hand
smiling so faintly
you joke so inappropriately
but not at that
how oblivious love is
how oblivious our lives are now
and pretty brown eyes
that glint in your eye when i blabber on
your pretty lips
i promised i'd stay on my studies
but i'd rather be studying chemistry
One nightOne night, I can be with you.
I don't have to look at the moon
anymore; hoping that you will be
looking too. The stars dance
around the moon like all those
other girls do, because they want
to be with you.
Envy begins to the poison that
sets into my veins; how any of
those girls could make you feel
like you've found the one but I'm
just going to be that girl that
sits on the side wishing that
you could love me.
You won't even know anything about
me but, I know so much about you,
my dear. The way that you smile the
definition of happiness, to the way
your voice plays a symphony that is
I begin to fall in love with you
all over again, like I did before.
Nothing could make me feel so safe
and warm in a cocoon except for you;
looking at me with those blue eyes
that are brighter then the ocean
itself making it jealous of you.
Our UniverseHere we are in our mundane universe.
We stand underneath the night sky
And gaze up at the stars.
We are two small specks of dust
Attached to each other by tangled fingers.
My toes wiggle deeper into the sand
As I watch you splash around in the warm water.
Sometimes it's hard to believe there's a universe out there.
But we'll see it someday.
Together, hand in hand,
We will explore this huge galaxy.
We will make our own discoveries.
We will search for adventure
All the while we hold tightly to each other.
Because I see the universe in your eyes and your heart.
Because no matter how far we go
We'll still be two little dots
Lying on that beach
For you If the stars don't shine tonight
Will you still love me?
If our hearts stopped beating
Would you forgive me?
If the earth stopped spinning
Would you still hate me
Yes I know darling you still hate me, your hate for me burns like a raging inferno.
I understand no matter what I will always love you.
The truth is you could take everything I love, strip me down from everything, break me, even slit my throat and I would still love you.
You raised me from the hell I was drowning in, the black abyss I was trapped in for so long.
To this day I don't know why you would do that just to leave me!
I did everything you asked.
I stood up for you.
I fought for you
I would have even taken a bullet for you...
but still your pierced that knife through my back grinning the entire way
I would have done anything for you
Even if you died I would have died with you
Even if that meant taking my own life and losing my wings
Your StarlightYour Starlight:
Climbing up the steep slope
Completely enveloped in summer
Night's warm embrace
My goal silhouetted against the moon
The Withered old tree stood
Covered in the scars of forgotten promises
Placing a hand on the old bark
I remove a pocketknife into my hand
Staring at the blank spot
I recall memories from my life,
My first steps, my first Dance
My first Love, My first broken heart.
The tears come before I can stop them
Even now the scars still hurt
Clenching my fist I closes my eyes
Trying to contain the pain
Suddenly I feel a pair of arms
Wrap around my shoulders
Opening an eye I saw
Arms made of starlight
Turning 'round I saw him
My star, the only one who cared
I hadn't spoken to him since I was young
But that didn't matter to him
He smiled and hugged me again,
"Do not worry." He whispered into my ear
"Though you've grown, I'll still be here."
He held onto my shoulder and smiled at me
I said with more tears than ever
"How can you still care? I almost forgot you were ther
I'll Know It's You When...Daddy told me that I’ll know
I found you when your fingers
can conduct an orchestra
in my heart and your lips will
taste like ocean water and autumn leaves,
he said I won’t bite my tongue anymore
and the ashes under my skin will be
replaced with things like New York snow
and even glitter. He said when I can
taste my laugh as it ripples out my throat,
when my socks are filled with love letters
and little scented candles, that’s when
I’ll know I found you. He said to picture
a circular object in the sky and if I look at it
and it becomes the sun instead of the moon
then, yeah, I’ve found you.
it feels like everything's caving in on my spirit.used
is a word with multiple meanings.
it can mean
all the life sucked out of you.
it can mean
you've wasted away from so much
pressure, a hand you weren't given.
it can mean
you take a giant leap of faith
only to fall to your icy plunge,
into the splash you go.
i don't lke being used.
it's not fun.
you think for so long,
look, this will finally happen
and then it does
when you least expect,
and you feel like shit afterwards.
because you know you're
you know it and
you don't fight it.
i'm not pitying myself,
i'm pitying the girls that deal
with this same problem,
we take what we get
and sometimes what we get
isn't what we want.
maybe it is in some senses,
but after it's all said and done,
it's not what it was
supposed to feel like.
it's almost as if all the
air has been drained from
my lungs, heaving, i'm frightened
by how this thing has been
ruined, bursted to pieces, blown
to smithereens, broken.
but is it?
or are you just pretending it is
so you don't have to deal with
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