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January 24, 2012
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used
is a word with multiple meanings.
it can mean
all the life sucked out of you.
it can mean
you've wasted away from so much
pressure, a hand you weren't given.
it can mean
you take a giant leap of faith
only to fall to your icy plunge,
into the splash you go.
i don't lke being used.
it's not fun.
you think for so long,
look, this will finally happen
and then it does
when you least expect,
and you feel like shit afterwards.
because you know you're
being used.
you know it and
you don't fight it.
i'm not pitying myself,
i'm pitying the girls that deal
with this same problem,
we take what we get
and sometimes what we get
isn't what we want.
maybe it is in some senses,
but after it's all said and done,
it's not what it was
supposed to feel like.
it's almost as if all the
air has been drained from
my lungs, heaving, i'm frightened
by how this thing has been
ruined, bursted to pieces, blown
to smithereens, broken.
but is it?
or are you just pretending it is
so you don't have to deal with
your own problems?
this won't take over.
as much as it may dominate
my thought process for now,
it will fade just like you
to the back of my mind.
i've worn my heart on my
sleeve, pretty much sewn there,
and you finally showed me
a sliver
of yours.
why can't you be more
like that you?
i like that you better.
why can't you change?
you're wasting your time,
and isn't life only
consisted of time itself?
you have the potential
to save yourself
from yourself, i will hope
to god that someday
you'll be who you
pretend you are, better yet,
why don't you be
that version, i like him
so much more.
i hope
someday
you'll realize
that this you is not
the real you, the real you
is the one that's worth loving
because that you
is actually worth fighting for.
Just some current thoughts...a lot's been going on lately.
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