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a memoir of a butterfly.her memory is like a dead mockingbird.
something so beautiful, but remnants
scatter in the wind, unable to
comprehend whether it was deserved
perishing or a mistake.
will you remember in twenty
years, or twenty months, twenty
goddamn seconds, or will she
fade like the fluttering feathers
of the bird shot down in anguish?
can you kiss yourself goodnight
because her butterflies will never
again land on your fleshy lips?
laugh to keep from crying, cry
to keep for being numb,
pretending her presence was
that of a ghost inside a dream.
cover your wrists in gauze and
guilt to prevent moral infection,
feign disinterest when she bites
her lips, don't crave to be the
one biting back, because you'll
only be chewing yourself out.
don't look directly at her, she
is a sapphic eclipse, tease
me with your sloping neck,
tease me with your impeccable
jawline, hazel eyes and
crooked nose, a sweet breathiness
achieved by her trembling,
raspy alto, how i want to
press my mouth to hers and utter
the cure for romantic epilepsy is you.lighthearted heartthrobs
leave me tenderhearted for
the moment, callously discarded
when the brokenhearted relapses
occur and my heartache is just
a simple subtraction amongst
the breakage and blood pumping.
can you heal me? can you heal you?
do you know how to divide me
into the good, the bad, and the
parts that get too clingy?
can you tell me what it is
that keeps you clinging?
your body is like a metronome,
and i just want to move
to your tempo, you envelope
me with your beautiful
lyricism and lips like a rose.
hands hold like roping soliloquies
of the what-ifs and what-nows,
they're clenching like we're
on a roller coaster and i just
want to hold on to you, if
i could kiss you would i be
considered lucky or a casualty?
i want to peruse the inky pages
of your loitered soul, picking
up the pieces because something
as beautiful as you doesn't
deserve to be littered.
all i want you to do is stand
near me, not even next to me,
because the glow of your glower
is gorgeous even in your mos
drowned.this ice is getting thinner
and i keep feeling like i'm
about to fall through. i just
wanted you to envelope me in
your harmony, sweet kisses
making the syncopation
between broken glass and
heart pieces, shattered
with lips uttering breathlessly.
i wanted to be warmed by
the sound of your melodies,
you told me of my beauties
and i believed you, remember
that my soul is fragile and
that suicide and silence
start and end the same way.
keep in mind when you told
me how much you cared and
how much i hope you realized
at this point the water is
freezing and i can't swim.
love like remission.everybody says that
i'm a specific type. i
think that's just an
excuse to say there's
really no chance i can
ever be loved. keep saying
that i'm beautiful, keep
saying that i'm good.
do you really think i
believe any of that? i'm
trying to turn a new
page, cleanse the wounds
she caused me, and now
i don't know which way
to turn because neither
path is paved for me and
neither door is open. i
wish i could say it was
easy but i can feel it
coming back, steadily like
a creeping animal ready
to pounce on my freshly-
healed heart and soul.
everyone says i have a type.
i believe that in a
heartbeat because each
heart that beats next to
mine is sweet in the melody.
i don't have my choice of
the picking but i can
pretend to be free of this
illness, relapsing on
romanticism and using stoicism
as a crutch, this wall i
put up can be broken down
by whoever's love is strong
enough. someone, take my hand
and lead me through the disease.
A Little Bit Like Crazy: Chapter 2.1A Little Bit Like Crazy
my mother always said god worked in mysterious ways, that i was special and that someday i’d find someone who appreciated my crazy.
she died three years ago. i never did find out if that was something sarcastic that she said so i’d laugh during one of my fits or if she genuinely thought i was crazy. astrid never thought that i was crazy. she thinks i’m beautiful. she thinks i’m smart. she doesn’t think that i’m crazy.
i didn’t know that i had something wrong with me until i started to believe it. all of these voices? i can hear exactly what they’re saying about me. and it makes astrid sad to see me sad.
but astrid is not here anymore. i didn’t want her to get too attached to me.
or maybe it was my crazy i didn’t want her to become attached to.
either way, i don’t think that she’ll be back any time soon.
A Little Bit Like Crazy: Chapter 1.1A Little Bit Like Crazy
The cool autumn air lingered slowly through the window crack, and the smell of cannabis still lingered on my shirt. Quin had his arms draped around me, this dumb look on his face as he sighed delicately in his sleep. As he pulled me tighter, all I could think about was the mistake that I had made the night prior. One single lapse in judgment had ruined one of the most beautiful relationships I had ever established, and now I was without Saoirse, the one thing that kept me alive in this world.
The whole prior night was a blur to me. I remembered showing up but never leaving, which I must have done since I was not at my house—I was at Quin’s house. His parents were not home, hence the party, and I woke to the sound of his sister Chantal humming some bland Top 40 song while making breakfast, a pleasant albeit off-key alert.
I tossed Quin’s spindly arms off of me and trudged out of his room, making m
there is no potion to reverse a broken heart.i don't know how to
suffuse this sorcery, but
no matter how hard i try,
i'll still be without a spell.
try to use episkey, my heart
will still be shattered
and any reducio can't shrink
my feelings for you.
reparo, ferula, nothing
can heal me at this point.
it's like you cast expulso
on my chest because soul
has disintegrated in front
of my eyes, if only i could
it's like your love was
immersed in cave inimicum,
at this point i feel you
wish me crucio, why do
you inflict these deadly
curses upon someone who
just wants to see your patronus.
you have manipulated duro,
you're so cold, manage diffindo
to abolish my letters of
love to you, exerting descendo
to stoop to your level, when
i just want confundo so
i don't remember that i want you.
even if someone bestowed on
you furnunculus, i'd still
think you were beautiful, if
they gave you levicorpus
i would repel with liberacorpus,
i will do what it takes to save you
from these dementors, muffliato
so they can't hear my e
the proper way to ride a carousel.illuminate me, cast your
colors of iridescence,
incandescent as my sunset
and phosphorescent as the
radiation pain from my
chest, lights blare and
will not stop shimmering.
is it motion sickness or
exasperation that shakes
you to your core, just keep
pawing at it and you will
not fall down as far as
you think you will. close
your eyes, ocular impairment
can help dull the experience,
don't be frightened by
the ubiquitous lights, hold
on tighter, she'll hold your
hand closely to her chest,
murmur a few breaths as you
palpate on this journey that
will ultimately get you
nowhere. no matter how dark
it gets, this empyrean is
still your boundary and this
bar is your only lifeline, so
pretend she was never there
and let it take you anywhere
that you don't want to go.
crimson hues of only equine
friends at this point, you
can't take a bench when you're
alone in this world of the
oblique nightmare, pretend
that the music is deafeningly
silent and that her voice is
the only thing you'll hear.
if she were ataraxia.if i knew exactly how to
heal my personal pockmarks
i wouldn't call them scars,
i'd call them ornamental
marring. this is my nocturne,
my harmonious calling, a
deflection of defection
where a serenade just isn't
enough to wipe away all the
pretension. they call it
grace and glamour, but your
pulchritude is appalling, put
your airs on chilly and slip
me a sweet trifle of your
personal piquancy. i bruise
more easily than those who
treat me delicately, kisses
like divulgences, the flesh
beside my ear is bitten by
your nipping conscience.
keep speaking in your subtle
sussarations, i'm keen on
deciphering what it is
that you are trying to say
to anyone but me, is your
disquietude a symptom of
your abhorrence to my
presence? is your malignance
just a way for you to malinger,
claim malignancy to be within me?
i'm not too fond of vengeance
but i've got a taste for
vexation when you've got it
coming to you. you once
caressed my cuts, exhausting
sadness with your sweet
The wonders of the world are at my feet,
creation's endless charity.
Golden sun above, it's warmth makes life sweet,
night stars help me gain clarity
... and yet I am alone.
Roses and daisies and buttercups too,
green grass and blue sky above me.
Mountains and valleys and geysers that spew,
ocean as far as my eye can see
... and yet I am alone.
New moon above and Milky Way heavens,
lights that inspire poetry.
Bright shooting stars and Northern lights events,
cosmic dance of life surrounds me
... and yet I am alone.
I hold this truth to be above all truth,
that what we need most, is love.
The absence of love makes earthly joys moot,
what I would give... to fit hand in glove
... and never, ever, again be alone.
*The Cathedral*Graveyard sparkles, coat of frost
Souls sleep in comfort none are lost
Yew trees stand's silent friend
Up the pathway faithful wend.
Illuminated Christmas star
Penitants travel from afar
Spiritual comfort, blessed peace
Worldly concerns find release
Stained glass window does inspire
Glorious colours flame desire
Insence smells and bells so pure
Winter Cathderal, open door.
FOR THE LOST CHILDI am a man who is lost in a child
And my child he never grew
His spirit within, my mother defiled
Turning his soul black and blue.
The years have passed, the summers fade
Still my torment it rages on
This man I am, cold and afraid
Hides from the waking dawn.
My little child is locked inside
Vowing to never come out
This poor little boy, he thinks he died
Existing in shadow and doubt.
I love him, this child inside of me
Yet no matter how hard I try
He will never know what it means to be free
Until that day when I die.
It is I who bears his lasting pain
Yes, ‘tis I that must tarry and wait
Sometimes I think that my life was in vain
As I sit here and ponder my fate.
My mother’s been dead for quite some time
As Cancer accomplished its goal
Below the earth, she rests from her crime
With the little boys heart that she stole.
I see him each day in the mirror
This albatross that I must wear
Bringing me ever nearer
To the end of this life we have shared.
God has set the path I must
ArmsThese are a set of arms that I have not met
They have not held a true love yet
They were so small and thin at first
Never were they close to being cursed
They are stronger than I used to know
I had never expected them to grow
To my dismay, these arms are also scarred
There was no one to be your guard
Despite that, your arms are never cold
I rather love your arms, truth be told
They may have been once forsaken
Maybe even quite a bit shaken
Yet, here you are, arms wide open
showing all of your great devotion
displaying all of your deep love
Never again will their emptiness be spoken of
For I will be the one to hold you
My arms have done some growing too
Never again will they be rejected or harmed
I promise, in my arms, you will go unharmed.
Always Observe the Sanguine Viewstars dancing on the open edge
where eyes that see her glow
are watching from the window ledge
and think of how she's grown
her father's eyes, so grey and blue.
she takes the sprawling earth in through
her father's eyes
her father's eyes
always observe the sanguine view
they had another treasure too
now lost in memory
her father's eyes so grey and blue
once filled with energy
her mother's smile, so full and wide.
a dawning sun and a delight
her mother's smile
her mother's smile
did sweetly swell and then subside
this weathered soul whose heart was tied
could never say goodbyes
her mother's smile, it came untied
yet still her father's eyes
are watching from the window ledge.
stars dancing on the open edge
are watching from
are watching from
a sky that always keeps its pledge.
The Sonnet of WarThough fires crackle bright and bullets soar
I cower in the twilight dark of fear.
I hear the baying of the monster War
and tremble as its monstrous form draws near.
The wicked monster has no charity
its sole is smithed of fire and of hate.
It slaughters men indiscriminately
this heartless, soulless, wicked child of Fate.
Though I may flee it, I cannot outrun,
for it has claimed my people’s hearts and souls.
Smoke spews forth from the barrel of the gun,
yet they sit and watch, their hearts grown cold.
It scorched my soul, and burned my hope away
so in this darkness I shall hope to stay.
Let air sate you,
soak through your emptiness.
Fill your being with oxygen and
Do not let you
lose this. Life is not easy here,
and you deserve better, but stay:
To Everyone I've Ever Thought I Loved To Everyone I've Ever Thought I Loved
1. I was young and quite stupid.
You were attractive
and way, way out of my league.
2. Your influence changed my life
and i think i might
just still love you for that fact.
3. I'm not quite sure what it was
about you. Maybe
your taste in bands... or your hair.
4. You were a dick... I knew that.
But for some reason
I still went there anyway.
5. Times were hectic and you broke
my heart. But it's not
like i did much to stop you.
6. You were my biggest secret.
If only i knew
Back then that you liked girls too.
7. You were the first to love me.
One and a half years
Look At My Palms, They Shake Like My Current WorldMy veins? They bleed ink,
Thick, black, translucent blood.
The flowing won't stop.
Sometimes, I worry
My oxygen intake will
Falter and shut down.
I have night terrors
And wake up suffocating,
Sleep? A luxury.
I can't afford to waste it
Once I'm getting it.
Over in my world of sad,
There's too much pressure.
It's caving into me, my
Lungs and cavity.
Anymore, a cadaver
Behind curls of my dead skin.
By imagination, time
Is just an object.
Why should I follow
When I can barely keep my
Own head from falling?
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More